I am back to my TIG home today--so excited! I haven't visited this web and added any posts in my blog for 3 years since my last visit in August 2004. Today, I tried to enter my profile and my blog and delightedly found it is still open to me. A sense of belonging aroused in my heart!
What did I do in last 3 years?
I have been working as teacher of Chinese until Feburary 2007. I lived a very simple life--going to work and back home. It was fun to some extent. I had a lot of opportunities to meet and talk to people from all over the world, get to know their culture and make friends with them. It was boring to some extent. Except for teaching, I didn't have opportunities to discover and develop other skills. I knew that wouldn't be my whole-life career. I knew there must be something else I could do and love to devote myself. Changing job or not was just a matter of time. I wasn't ready for the change emotionally though I was ready mentally.
During the time of staying at that job, I experienced an emotional turbulance and the biggest frustration in relationship. I was pursued by my student and later fell in love to him. I hoped to build a positive relationship with him and our relationship could grow to the point of marriage. However, later I found I was too naiive. He had difficulty in focusing on one woman and in making commitment to an exclusive relationship. That was completely not what I expected. Maybe I should not have had any expectations out of a relationship, so I wouldn't have been disappointed so much.
This frustrating relationship broke my dream of perfect relationship in my heart and had me question if there would be someone right for me in my life. My friends all said I am a nice woman and I deserve a nice man who really knows how to love a woman. But where is he? That's the question I've been asking for millions of times. I met a couple of men later and questioned at my heart, "Is he the right person for me?" After meeting a few times, we lost contact. The answer revealed itself. Frustrated!
However, I learnt to be patient with my life and myself. I don't look for relationship and I don't look for the answer to that question that I've been asking for millions of times. I told myself if there is someone for me, he will show up eventually in me life no matter where he is and will never leave me alone. He will be the answer to my question. If there is no one for me, don't be sad. There are a lot of things worth enjoying in life. Go to find something to do to make yourself happy. Therefore, I developed my interests. I learnt to play Chinese instrument, I learnt to make brownies and cookies and I tried to hang out more with friends. And finally, I felt I was ready to change my job.
I started my temporary job at the US Embassy. It was the happies work experience in my life. I was busy with work. I had opportunities to do a lot of different tasks. I had opportunities to work with English every day. I had a very friendly and supportive supervisor. I loved working there very much. Now my job there ended. I am looking for employment. I hope I can go back to work some day or I can find another job which I love and would like to devote myself.
I worked in the Embassy only for 5 months, but I met Dave. We didn't have any chance to hang out when he was in Beijing and we even didn't meet each other very often when we both worked in the Embassy. Now he is far, far from me, but we are keeping in touch. He is making efforts to build up a positive relationship with me. So do I with him. Both of us know there will be many possibilities, but both of us would like to give it a try. He asked me to keep a positive thinking, and I want to say to him, "I am trying, Dave."
